It’s been cold lately, so I put on my “fuggs” – my $5.00 imitation uggs – and took a tentative step or three. Not sure yet what path that these first steps on my journey will take me on.
I am very glad I posted “a request.” I have received feedback and I hope clarified what the downside of my current mental health crisis does. I sincerely hope that helped. When you get as low as I have been, you do feel alone and on the outside – despite what the reality of the situation may be! I really hope I continue to get feedback!
I also took the step of closing down, at least for now, my facebook account and membership in an online group. I’m not sure that Dragon Naturally Speaking works with facebook and I still need to learn how my new “toy” works in terms of writing blogs, make blog comments and respond to and send emails. Once I get the hang of it – I will try facebooking again.
As I said in “not the brightest light bulb,” my withdrawal is due to the pain over using the computer causes. If I’m connected to facebook, either by my own account, or through the wonderful group “Graceful Agony,” I want to click on every link, comment on many of the threads, etc. Once I can do this with Dragon (fingers crossed I can), I will facebook again. There is so much good out there in the cyberverse, support for myself and others, great information, and inspirational, creative postings. I do get email notices when some folks post a blog. With Dragon, I hope to both read the blog and leave a comment.
Thank you to everyone for the support, caring, and compassion they have shown me. When I crash, I forget that there are folks out there I can reach out to – that’s part of the ugliness of what I’m fighting. I hope to one day be able to reactivate my facebook account so I can rejoin special, wonderful online communities such as “Grateful Agony.”
I was having a better day today, getting ready to head off to the train for my yearly mammogram, when I got a very upsetting phone call. I melted down both during the call, then afterwards. The call and the meltdown meant I missed my train. But then I let go of the phone call, contacted the Breast Center to explain I couldn’t make my appointment. There was an opening 40 minutes later which I could make. So, I rebooked, took the next train, had time in the town to buy a card at the wonderful store Papyrus and walk to the hospital (all bundled up) with plenty of time before my second appointment.
I don’t know what paths these things will send me down, but at least I took a short stroll down the path of letting go. I also, using my mantra of “be positive” to finally respond to a lot of comments left on 1 is the loneliest number, and the addendum – my awkward attempt at an apology for allowing the demons to convince me there wasn’t anyone out there for me. The demons are so wrong! Sorry it has taken me to so long to respond. The dark demons whisper louder sometimes than the voices of reality that say people care and want to help – that I’m not alone. I really should have responded sooner, my apologizes for not doing so.
I’d like to finish off this blog entry with 2 things I read today. One was one a bookmark, the other on a magnet I bought.
May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day. May song birds serenade your every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that’s always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each your whole life.
And, the magnet – a quote from Winston Churchill: never, never, never give up.
Today I’m standing at the crossroads in the sunshine; there is no guarantee that there won’t be shadows and dark clouds the next time I try to find my path. Part of my trying to handle things and keep things together is to focus on the positive when I can. Today I can. I hope I can do the same again tomorrow/next blog.
This was done without my new “toy.” I hope my next posting is done with my dragon. Looking forward to that day.