Five hundred and ninety-eight posts ago, I asked the question: “Is there anybody out there?” Turns out there were. People who formed health-based communities in the cyberverse; their generosity, kindness, caring, understanding and support made a huge difference in my life. As has the cyberverse; its horizon keeps pushing further and further out, opening up more new worlds to explore.
Two constants have shadowed me since my first remembories: pain, and telling a story (to myself and/or others). As my grasp of the alphabet, words, and paragraphs increased, I could write down these self-stories– not just play them inside my head. And the more I read, the greater my vocabulary became. Hard to believe now, but once I (read and) wrote for a living. I traded in sentences and paragraphs. Words and writing shaped me and my former lives.
Pain is the canvas upon which I paint my words. Pain is the common denominator of my health issues. Pain rarely takes a day off, and often works overtime. For its devotion to duty, it’s never ending work for the cause, for its day to day perseverance, pain could be rewarded with an employee of the millennium award. But I didn’t hire pain, invite it in, pain just flopped down on my couch and never left.
My pain is physical and emotional. I can’t really separate these twin daughters of different mothers. Physical pain affects more than just my legs, my head, my neck. Just as emotional pain (mental health) manifests itself outside of my head.
The current tagline for my blog is “pain, poetry, bipolar, prose (and a little whimsy on the side).” Guess that sums up best where I am right now. Don’t know if blogging about my physical and emotional pain has helped anyone else. It’s been my outlet, my therapy, my connection, my companion. Many times I’ve felt like quitting – getting out of the blogging game. Far more words remain in my head, scribbled down in various notebooks, entered into numerous computer files and folders than in the cyberverse. I guess until my mind is as blank as a new computer page, I’ll keep tapping the keyboard.
Who was I then, who am I now describes the roller coaster ride of bipolar 2; once upon a time (arising from the weekly writing prompt at Carryon Tuesday) delineates the changes physical and emotional pain has made in my life. There are other blog posts (the memory problem) that are on the tip of my mind to include by way of introduction into my world. There are so many individuals and health-based communities to thank, and this post is already getting lengthy. So, I’ll just say an all-encompassing “thanks! You all have made a positive difference in my cyber and real life.
*Oscar Hammerstein, “Getting to Know You,” The King and I (Had the privilege of seeing Yul Brenner reprise his role as the King while I was in London).