self care is . . .: PFAM blog carnival

Maria, at My Life Works Today, has set us an intriguing task: to think about “self care is” through free writing, using Wordle to create a word picture illustration of the themes and ideas that link the items on our list together.

From my wordle, (small as it is – I couldn’t figure out how to enlarge it) it is obvious that the cyberverse plays a big role in my life. How does it factor into self-care? Using the internet to research, write, connect, and communicate provides me with an outlet for my words (poetry and prose), a place to be creative and whimsical, a spot where I am anyone I choose to be (anonymous or out-front), connections to people and communities and the sharing of ideas, ideals, tears and laughter.

Writing, then, is another important facet of self-care for me. When I’m in writing mode, time slips away. Writing is therapy, self-discovery. A notebook and pen are my constant companions. My self-editor is a tough critic; sometimes I just have to let her have the day off. The writing folders on my computer are, just like my stack of full notebooks, stuffed with thoughts, ideas, half-written stories, not-published blog entries, poetry, musings, and chapters (not in any order, mind you) of the mystery novel I’ve been working on for years.

Self-care is self-discovery: finding the therapeutic tools that best suit; learning to let go; re-wiring my brain and worldview; creating a diagram of how to deal with my physical and mental health issues. Birds, nature, walks in the park help me look outside of myself. Self care means splashing in puddles, pondering the wonders of the universe, keeping my eyes on the horizon, the path yet to be taken, knowing that within and without, I can fulfill my list for self-care is . .

As my wordle is so small, here are the items that make up the list:

self care is: listening to my body; researching; nice skin creams; hugging stuffed animals; time spent in the cyberverse; laughing; emails and chats with cyberverse friends; reading blogs; writing (stories, blog entries, life histories, poetry, free fall); history; nature; rediscovering my creative side; craft projects; calligraphy; loosing myself in something; birds (feeding, watching, noting); nature, walks in the park, therapy, communication and connection; being whimsical.

Themes: self-discovery; writing; creativity; cyberverse; nature; sharing.

He’s a Keeper: an Ode of Gratitude

 

disclaimer: by the term keeper, I mean throughout this the idea that if you have found someone who is willing to deal with you and your chronic illness, that person is a “keeper”. I’m not implying that partners/hubbies ”keep” the chronically ill or in pain person in the older, most pejoritive sense of the word.

You know he’s (she’s where appropriate, of course!!!!) a keeper when:

you meet, you already have chronic health issues, and he spends time in the library researching your conditions.

symptoms and pain gets worse, but he doesn’t run for the door.

enters the workforce because you’ve exited it (and need health insurance).

commute to first office job in 30 years through tricky traffic situations, but continues to do it.

puts up with c**p, stupidity, favoritism, stress at work because we need health insurance.

does the dishes, cooks his own supper, brings you coffee in the morning (especially the coffee part, LOL).

cuts you slack over housework (mine does not see dust).

washes and irons his own clothes.

doesn’t compare the more chronic you with any of your previous lives.

listens to screaming, incoherent rants over the telephone and doesn’t hang up.

hears the depressed, defeated, devalued you and tries to build you back up.

forgives after screaming, yelling, swearing, banging, throwing things arguments.

knows what meds you’re on, and reminds you to take the appropriate ones with you when you go out.

believes you are in pain and that you are exhausted without question.

understands your health issues and how you have to deal with them.

notices changes in your health and is concerned about them.

keeps you on track for diets, routines, does and don’t does.

suggests a trip to the ER before you do.

over and over sees you at your worst physically, emotionally, mentally, and continues to be there and to care.

encourages you to expand your world.

So, I’m grateful that for the last 29 years, despite all the stresses and strains on the relationship caused by life, chronicness, and stuff, I still have a keeper.

Each person’s definition of a keeper is unique, of course. Other folks dealing with chronic illness might deem a keeper the person who brings a bucket when you’re nauseous, and cleans you and the room up afterwards. Or someone who walks along as you drive the scooter, or pushes the wheelchair – glad to be with you and out and about; the questioning looks and stares are of no consequence.

But, I think, all of us dealing with chronic illnesses are thankful and grateful if we have found a keeper, and that the keeper found us, too. So, my message of gratitude is to my keeper, and all those other keepers out there who love, care for, share their lives with folks dealing with chronic illness and chronic pain; who work as a partnership in facing the unknowns, the bad times, as well as the good. Those keepers who understand, believe, care, and comfort us in our darkest, deepest hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades. We can never repay the compassion, caring, support, understanding, believing; but then those keepers don’t want or expect us too. Another reason, they are a keeper.