I realize there was a “poor, poor, pitiful me” (to quote my muse, W. Zevon) over/undertone to my post about bipolar, health insurance and everything in between. Feeling overwhelmed and emotionally and physically exhausted, I spent a little time (k, a lot of time) crying in my beer (if I could still drink beer of course, lol).
The more research I do into this bipolar 2 thing, the more confused I become. While there is mostly agreement as to the depression phase (and poor response to anti-depressants), I’m understanding less rather than more about my hypomania/mania episodes. Sometimes I’m rapid cycling (moving between states of depression and angry/binging/irritability), other times I’m both for long periods of time – try about 2 years with the last 9 months (March to November 2011) the worst. Am I mixed because I constantly exhibit some level of the depressive side of bipolar 2, but my hypomania episodes have tended to lean towards binging, or crying – with some rage thrown in for good measure? Each new definition I read, each new article/website/support group I come across, I must admit I feel more overwhelmed with information rather than clear on my condition.
As I mentioned in a comment to my last post: I need an app for that, throw in the low sodium factor and things get even murkier. Both the medicating psychiatrist and my doctor are concerned that low sodium levels are causing a series of issues that mimic bipolar 2 and can have impacts on cognitive and motor skills – all of which has been going on for the last several months. My doctor even thinks that it goes further – leading to a hormone imbalance and loss of even more sodium.
I’ve gained weight though strangely, I weigh 10 pounds MORE at her office than on my scale at home. Either way, a diet regime is necessary – to increase sodium without adding pounds through water retention and salty snacks. Does air popped popcorn count? I may have to adjust to a “new normal” in the weight department – a tough sell after weighing within 5 or so pounds (up or down) at a certain weight until last summer – for someone with a history of binging and body image issues. Oops, someone ordered another round of beer to cry into and the last thing I need is an even bigger beer gut, lol.