Shrek ruined my life.

ShrekSeries.jpg

Shrek ruined my life. Now:

Ogres are green with deally-bops on their heads.

Or pointy, stick out ears.

They can put aside ogreish tendencies.

They are good and kind hearted.

Loving and romantic.

Female ogres wear tiaras and long dresses.

Male ogres have talking companions like a juiced-up donkey.

All ogres have gastric issues.

I’m biased, okay, very biased.

I’m an ogress. Hate that sexist term. Orgette?

I’m mean and cranky.

I have no redeeming qualities.

I never wear a dress – long or short.

My  companion would be a wolf, or a griffin.

I used to scare children. Used to.

Parents tell stories about evil ogres who steal children. Eat babies. Etc.

Ghastly stuff. Just the kind of intro I like.

I DO NOT eat babies! That’s too gross even for an ogrene.

It goes like this:

I make my horrifying entrance; kid asks who I am.

“An ogress” I answer.

No your not,” the kid firmly replies

“Ogress are green, have pointy ears, have husbands who fart, burp, and are funny.”

You aren’t.”

Ogres aren’t exactly trained for another line of work.

So now I hang out at a sleazy tavern.

My drinking companions are trolls.

Thanks Shrek and Fiona.

I’ve hit rock bottom.

(the trolls; I have better personal hygiene)

Inspired by fairy tales on mindlovemisery’s menagerie

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15 thoughts on “Shrek ruined my life.

  1. Jen January 17, 2015 / 11:35 pm

    What a hoot!
    And yes — if I were an ogress, I’d hang with a griffin instead of a chatterbox donkey, too ;)

    Liked by 1 person

    • phylor January 18, 2015 / 12:33 am

      Glad you like the griffin as a companion. Ogresses should be ogresses!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jen January 18, 2015 / 1:05 am

        Exactly! None of this malarkey with cats and donkeys and princesses! ;)

        Like

        • phylor January 18, 2015 / 2:47 pm

          We should write the script for a real ogress movie!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Jen January 18, 2015 / 2:50 pm

            Hhhrgh! Mmmbgnfff! ;)

            Like

  2. julespaige January 17, 2015 / 6:18 pm

    Even grumpy old men can’t be – Perfect example the movie ‘Up’.
    Yes media perception can change opinion – they say they are reporting facts.
    But we know better. ;)

    I had fun with this prompt twice. One kind of grumpy and the other from awhile a go sweet.

    Like

    • phylor January 18, 2015 / 12:31 am

      I’m looking forward to reading your “take” on the prompt. I had fun too!

      Like

  3. wendy January 17, 2015 / 3:11 pm

    hahaha! I love it! I’ve been reading fairy tales told from different points of view, or told …what if it happened this way….type thing….this fit right in!!

    I love your ogress.

    Like

    • phylor January 17, 2015 / 4:44 pm

      She still wants to find a gender neutral or non-sexist, classification — any suggestions? She’s thought of ogrette, ogrene, orgrian.

      Like

      • wendy January 18, 2015 / 3:12 pm

        ummm, I noticed how it changed during the story. Ogrette sounds too much like a vegetable…(a courgette – the Australian version of a zucchini). ogrene….a color, orgrian….that sounds kind of sci-fi, but it would be Ogrian, right? still sounds sci-fi ish, or like she’s from the land of ogre.. So is Ogre, always male? Couldn’t she just be an Ogre? An ogre is an ogre no matter the sex? hmmm???

        Like

        • phylor January 21, 2015 / 9:20 am

          True — it used to be actress and actor, now it’s just actor!

          Like

  4. summerstommy2 January 17, 2015 / 2:43 pm

    This was very funny. The plight of your ogress made me smile as often i could see real life through her. Beautifully done.

    Like

    • phylor January 17, 2015 / 4:46 pm

      Thanks!
      A what if . . . How society’s perceptions (fueled by the media) can alter reality.

      Like

      • Anonymous June 25, 2015 / 6:53 pm

        Do you honestly hate Shrek or do you not?

        Like

        • phylor June 26, 2015 / 8:55 am

          I was being satirical in response to a writing prompt. I don’t hate Shrek any more than I hate ogres. Which I don’t by the way.

          Like

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