Lt. Col. Snooty Snively XV, (ret.), Lady Fingers, and . . . .

Lt. Col. Snooty Snively, the XV (ret.) smugly settled back in the claret-coloured Corinthian leather at his favourite club, smoking a hand-rolled cigar while sipping 150 year old single malt scotch from a distillery know only to a select few, savouring his besting, yet again, of the main, most menacing rival for the pale, delicate well-manicured hand of Lady Fingers, for whom he would do anything, even having lost a body part swimming the mighty, dangerous Amazon River to a secret island inhabited by anarchists to procure the loveliest, most rarest orchard requested by the lady to festoon her rich cherry-blossom pink velvet, low-cut gown so enticingly matching her fair, sweetly-perfumed with lavender, elaborately coiffed hair, adorned with flowers and ribbons, while the pearls and jewels around her exquisite swan-like neck glowed under the 1000 cut-glass crystal prisms of the chandelier in the Game Ball room at the Palace for the Royal weekly ball,  bowling and croquet games complete with a full orchestra, (fluent in “We will, We will Rock You,” and “We are the Champions), awoke in Lt. Col. Snooty Snively the XV (ret.) a even more ardent lover whose romantic poetry made Lady Fingers swoon into the strong, manly waiting arms of  . . . . Private, No Class Homer Simpson, as Lt. Col. Snooty Snivel XV’s poems, like this sentence, were atrocious.

226 words: atrocious sentence, atrocious flash fiction, or a novel in the works?

I would say my genre lies between romance and purple prose, leaning more to the purple side?

Tale Weaver Prompt #10 : be a bad writer

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21 thoughts on “Lt. Col. Snooty Snively XV, (ret.), Lady Fingers, and . . . .

  1. phylor April 29, 2015 / 5:26 am

    Bastet — another possibility — English teacher submitting (plagiarized?) student work?

    Like

  2. mj6969 April 26, 2015 / 6:29 pm

    Well done and brilliantly AWFUL!

    Now, how often to we offer praise for bad writing – which, incidentally, is rather hard to do. Perhaps we have learned a thing or two throughout the ages?

    Great job and really fun and exciting prompt Phylor! Totally awesome :D

    Like

    • phylor April 26, 2015 / 7:51 pm

      Thanks!
      It was fun to do! I got started with Col. Snively (ret) XV and the whole thing just kinda ran from there.
      I wrote the kind of sentence I would forbid my students to do! Teacher gets to play. :-D

      Liked by 1 person

      • mj6969 April 26, 2015 / 8:07 pm

        Well, isn’t that the best way? Something about … do as I say – not as I do ;)

        Like

        • phylor April 26, 2015 / 11:18 pm

          I sure heard that one as I was growing up — a lot ;-)

          Liked by 1 person

  3. phylor April 24, 2015 / 2:16 pm

    I bow as Lt. Col. Snooty Snively XV (ret.) might, and as I am sure Lady Fingers’ would curtsey. Glad you liked my horrible sentence!

    Like

  4. Bastet April 24, 2015 / 12:10 am

    LOL … now that is an atrocious sentence! The Victorian novel will never be able to stand up to this piece. Bravo … (she shouts, clapping wildly!).

    Like

    • phylor April 24, 2015 / 2:14 pm

      A dubious award to win (The Bulwer-Lytton Prize) but certainly a fun one! I wonder if the yearly contest has a word limit?

      Like

      • Bastet April 25, 2015 / 12:44 am

        LOL … I looked into the instructions the only word limit I saw was on the first opening sentence which shouldn’t be longer than 58 words … but you know, you have to be a pretty good writer to purposely write a BAD piece … I think it’s called satire ;-)

        Like

        • phylor April 25, 2015 / 11:16 am

          Oh dear, now off to edit Snively and Lady Fingers. Might be too much to edit. Find another 58 words of bad writing.

          Like

          • Bastet April 26, 2015 / 3:10 am

            Oh … didn’t know you wanted to participate in the contest … because if you don’t your “bad beginning” is brilliant!

            Like

            • phylor April 26, 2015 / 5:47 am

              Thanks. I had been looking at deadlines, and such.
              My current bad opening is too long. But I love the idea of bad sentences so I might write a shorter one. I’ll send along the long one as an example of the lengths one can go to in honour of “it was a dark and stormy night.”

              Like

              • Bastet April 27, 2015 / 3:49 am

                lol … very good idea! A “proper” write can always follow (unless of course you can only enter one piece!)

                Like

                • phylor April 27, 2015 / 9:18 am

                  No, you can do multiples — apparently someone sent in 3,000 entries. Now that’s a good bad writer.

                  Like

                  • Bastet April 28, 2015 / 1:47 am

                    Yipes 3,000 entries! Gotta have a lot not to say!

                    Like

                    • phylor April 28, 2015 / 10:57 am

                      I thought of some person hunched over their laptop feverously writing horrible sentences based on their life. :-)

                      Like

                    • Bastet April 28, 2015 / 11:53 pm

                      LOL … a group effort you maybe .. a whole family using the same pen-name? It boggles the mind anyway …

                      Like

  5. julespaige April 23, 2015 / 12:28 pm

    You win!!! I love this!
    So many fun pun references. I’ve never heard of purple prose. Just delightful!

    Like

    • phylor April 25, 2015 / 8:22 pm

      I love the concept of purple prose and loved to warn my students against it by writing purple prose for them to consider.

      Like

      • julespaige April 26, 2015 / 7:54 am

        Purple prose defined might make a good prompt?…
        Something worth looking up just for the humor :)

        Like

        • phylor April 26, 2015 / 11:50 am

          Excellent idea — I’ll talk it over with Michael when he comes back.

          Liked by 1 person

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