image: Google Images
Inner dialogue of Minnie Smoothtoed Weaver. Last on the left. An unhappy last on the left.
I am extremely un-photogenic. I hate my hair done like this. What a god-awful dress. Grandmother Lipton must have chosen it. My corset is too tight. The baby needs her diaper changed NOW.
The children look like morons. Trebaka’s head is too small for her body. She is always left-leaning. Nanuka’s eyes are crossed. She looks too much like Aunt Kildred. Melanka’s face is very fat and her fingers pudgy. No wonder Roger has to hold her up.
None look alike, or thankfully like Roger’s side of the family. Does he suspect any are love children? Who picked out the hokey children’s clothes? Roger.
Grandmother Lipton looks dead. Maybe she is. If she isn’t belittling or complaining, then I’d better get the funeral director.
Roger has no chin beneath his beard. Roger has that smug son of a b***h smile on his shifty face. And a moustache growing into his nose.
And a mistress. Is she photogenic? Does she wear strange hair dos? Does she have moronic looking children?
How much is Roger paying for this ugly family portrait? Who would want a photograph of my bad hair, moronic children, dead grand-mother in law and sex-hungry Roger? When we get it home, I shall take a cross-saw and pinking shears and make it into a valuable piece of art. Or burn it.
Are we going on vacation? With Grandmother Lipton? (groan). Did I gather the chickens back into their pen? Did I leave any children at home on family portrait day? What is for luncheon? My backside hurts, can we take a bathroom break? My dress needs changing NOW.
© phylor 2015