family portrait day

image: Google Images

Tale Weaver #23: Family – Across Generations

Inner dialogue of Minnie Smoothtoed Weaver. Last on the left. An unhappy last on the left.

I am extremely un-photogenic. I hate my hair done like this. What a god-awful dress. Grandmother Lipton must have chosen it. My corset is too tight. The baby needs her diaper changed NOW.

The children look like morons. Trebaka’s head is too small for her body. She is always left-leaning. Nanuka’s eyes are crossed. She looks too much like Aunt Kildred. Melanka’s face is very fat and her fingers pudgy. No wonder Roger has to hold her up.

None look alike, or thankfully like Roger’s side of the family. Does he suspect any are love children? Who picked out the hokey children’s clothes? Roger.

Grandmother Lipton looks dead. Maybe she is. If she isn’t belittling or complaining, then I’d better get the funeral director.

Roger has no chin beneath his beard. Roger has that smug son of a b***h smile on his shifty face. And a moustache growing into his nose.

And a mistress. Is she photogenic? Does she wear strange hair dos? Does she have moronic looking children?

How much is Roger paying for this ugly family portrait? Who would want a photograph of my bad hair, moronic children, dead grand-mother in law and sex-hungry Roger? When we get it home, I shall take a cross-saw and pinking shears and make it into a valuable piece of art. Or burn it.

Are we going on vacation? With Grandmother Lipton? (groan). Did I gather the chickens back into their pen? Did I leave any children at home on family portrait day? What is for luncheon? My backside hurts, can we take a bathroom break? My dress needs changing NOW.

© phylor 2015


11 thoughts on “family portrait day

  1. OnChi July 25, 2015 / 8:27 pm

    Yeh, I can see all that going on in her. Happy she is not! Well done!


    • phylor July 26, 2015 / 12:20 am

      I tried to get inside her head and see what was making her scowl so!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. luckyjc007 July 23, 2015 / 10:33 pm

    Great write up on this! I must say, they are one sad looking bunch of people!


    • phylor July 25, 2015 / 5:18 am

      I agree. I especially love the way “grandma” is slumped down in the chair! The physical distance between each of the adults says a lot.


  3. Colline July 23, 2015 / 2:59 pm

    Just like her, I do not enjoy photo shoots. Good one Phylor :)


    • phylor July 25, 2015 / 5:19 am

      I am extremely unphotogenic! I skipped picture day at school and dread circumstances that require a reasonable photo of me.


      • Colline July 25, 2015 / 11:00 am

        Family portraits must have been doubly hard for you then.


  4. rum blue July 23, 2015 / 9:37 am

    “The children look like morons.”

    This is hilarious!


    • phylor July 24, 2015 / 11:04 am

      I tried to visit your blog to read what you write, but I couldn’t due to your settings.
      Thanks so much for dropping by and participating in the tale weaver prompt.
      I’m the other 1/2 of the team.


  5. phylor July 23, 2015 / 8:08 am

    Thank you kind sir.
    Minnie looked so unhappy, I tried to image what was going on in her mind. Yes, tongue in cheek, with a patina of truth re society and women in the 1800s.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. summerstommy2 July 23, 2015 / 7:57 am

    I enjoyed this take my friend, Grandmother Lipton does a look a little like death warmed up….love your descriptions on the children and the chinless Roger. I thought it was a very tongue in cheek piece, well done.


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