“Oh, PC Plod, you clever policeman”

41A4AHC5MKL mr plod

Source

“So, how did it happen, Miss?”

After repeated questioning while seated in the comfy chair, and with excessive tickling, Miss Prim, finally broke her silence. Her family would be shocked; having 12 older brothers, she rarely caved to such slight inducements to confess. His inept interrogation technique bored her.

“If this on or off the record, PC Plod?” her voice sour like milk left on the stoop during a five-day heat wave. His painted-on smile grated; surely a senior officer with some stygian imagination when it came to germinating confessions could be located.

Miss P. assumed sooner or later, some clever child would call a tips line, thus ending her razorwine “enterprise.” Good whilst it lasted.

Blast it. Children keep getting smarter younger – too much World of Warcraft, YouTube, Dr. Who, and face book. Time to head back to the doll factory for a new face, then spend some flash. First a puppet to write a children’s series, then animated film, merchandise and spin-offs. Great for laundering money and cover for whatever her next nefarious plot might be.

Might be amusing if Plod finally caught a “criminal,” so the kid could spend the reward money. She wove lovely film noir, not technicolour, tales:  Toyland’s name spattered/spluttered all social media. TMZ: who knew what when? Tweets: Noddy driver 4 notorious winelegger?#Noddy #razorwine #ploddy #notsoprim. Blog post: School for Scandal*

“Miss Prim, Miss Prim!”

She cheshired-catted, purring, and pushing her wrists towards him. “Oh, Officer Plod. You clever policeman, you have been watching episodes of Columbo. Yes, just one more thing, I am the leader of the Razorwine Gang.”

Mr. Plod torsioned so much in his pleasure, he didn’t realize, until after he came down from being over the moon, that Miss. Prim had vanished; a primat** of Razorwine resting in her place on the comfy chair. The attached note read: “Ask Noddy – he knows where the bottles are buried.”

4178QVJSRKL noddy and car

Source

* Frances Sheridan, mother of Richard Sheridan (School for Scandal), was an author and playwright. Her writings heavily influenced Sheridan’s early works.

** a primat of champagne is the second largest bottle size containing 27.0 litres of, in this case, razorwine.

Please, oh please, do not ask why or how a tale with an opening line, “So, how did it happen, Miss”, magically appearing on the screen, ends with “The note read: “Ask Noddy – he knows where the bottles are buried.” A stygian route I dare not take again!

I came across Noddy much later in life. I know my grandmother had a scrap book with clippings of Blyton’s magazine and newspaper children’s stories. My aunt’s tunnel-like closet, hidden behind the wall by her bed, had one hanging light bulb half way down. This did not deter me from consuming the books piled in huge stacks on the floor. As the name and signature are familiar, and just the type of reading material my grandmother would buy, Blyton books must have been among them. A very curious and lonely child, I looked at illustrations in books, not picture books, until I could read. And, after mastering Dick and Jane, well . . .

Maniacally conceived from Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Wordle #78  words (all 12 in italic)

Advertisements

10 thoughts on ““Oh, PC Plod, you clever policeman”

  1. kathleenhogg September 16, 2015 / 2:18 pm

    Hi Phylor!!! I haven’t been around in so long….but I am trying to get back in the saddle. I hope all is well with you and that you had a good summer.

    I will be changing the Chronic Pain Journal Facebook page, as it was cancelled due to lack of administration.

    As usual, your writing is wonderful. I look forward to catching up with you.

    Like

    • phylor September 16, 2015 / 5:47 pm

      I’ve been thinking of you a lot, wondering how you are doing, etc.
      I was so glad to read this comment!
      I look forward to catching up with you too!
      Thank you for the kind compliment re my writing.

      Like

  2. summerstommy2 September 16, 2015 / 1:19 am

    Oh I did enjoy this take and use of the wordle friend. Noddy does show our age doesn’t it…

    Like

    • phylor September 16, 2015 / 3:48 am

      My grandmother’s love of all things British ensured my reading lists and my aunt’s and father’s closets full of books were skewed towards Blyton, A.A. Milne, et. al.
      That’s why discovering the stop action original Noddy television shows as an adult was a strange experience.
      I have a similar dishonest mirror as yours who insists on reminding me, in excruciating detail, of my age.

      Like

      • summerstommy2 September 16, 2015 / 4:04 am

        As I said in another comment, that mirror monster follows us all around….

        Like

        • phylor September 16, 2015 / 8:04 am

          I haven’t had a full length mirror in years. Just NOT allowed. Dressing rooms in clothing stores are frightening places. I fixate on the mirrormonstermadwoman, and forget to look at the clothes.
          Thank goodness for on-line shopping. I put on, look down at myself, and if fit, keep. No half or full length mirror needed, lol. Though doesn’t say much about how my wardrobe actually looks on me.

          Like

    • phylor September 16, 2015 / 3:49 am

      Thank you.
      It was fun. My muse likes to surprise me!

      Like

  3. mindlovemisery September 15, 2015 / 9:49 am

    His painted-on smile grated

    Oh my I love this! I thought this was such a unique take and I definitely enjoyed it!

    Like

    • phylor September 15, 2015 / 10:08 am

      Glad you enjoyed this. I had fun.
      And learned a lot of about Noddy and his friends in Toyland!
      Strange the way your wordle words wrap around my mind — and how warped the output can be, ;]

      Liked by 1 person

I love dialogue. Do you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s