“kissy, kissy”

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“The day had started off so well.”

My name is Prinz Chamin, frog for hire. Mostly I do bachelorette parties, girls night in (or out depending), sweet 16, etc. Self-employment, nice sized tips for my kissathon performances. And all I had to was let women hold me in the palms of their hands, and deliver a little kiss. No princely outcome promises – it’s right there in the contract.

Been a great gig. Then . . .  she  happened.  I was booked to perform at the bachelorette party of Wendy W. Was doing my lip exercises while the exfoliating mask set. Slipped under my door, a heavy vellum envelope. Inside, in gilt, black, and red letters, an invitation to the party. The wording was sensual, suggestive, and had it been in amphibian, I’d of . . . blushed. I sounded like the honoree, not the fun bits.

As the taxi pulled away, the night air became dense, murky. I could see the writing on it “Witches Coven.” Damn, I promised myself never again. Before I could hop a bus, Wendy W.’s witch-of-dishonor, scooped me up. “Kissy, kissy,” she cooed.

One thing few know about witches is that they all secretly want a prince charming. Now, their ideas of what constitutes a prince charming doesn’t fit into anything but a very kinky Disney underground. And, when a witch kisses a frog – he’s her image of a prince charming. So, I was trailer park charming, power tools charming, derek jeter charming, gordon ramsey charming, and some so hideous, I’ve blocked them from my memory. The room spun round and round as each witch gave me a kiss, made her wish, and poof: I was 6 foot 9 with 8 pack abs or 5 8 with Lennon glasses and a beard or . . .

I must have passed out from all the adrenaline, and testosterone. I came to in my back yard, so hot, bothered and species-confused, I’ve spent most of today sitting on this block of ice, cooling down. I’m going to refer the next witchy night out to Kermit – he’s a lot kinkier than I am!

Some mostly non-Muppet frog fun for Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver 49: a froggy fairy tale prompt.

 

 

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2016/01/21/tale-weaver49-fairy-tale-prompt/

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11 thoughts on ““kissy, kissy”

  1. Bastet January 24, 2016 / 6:25 pm

    Bravo .. I really loved this wacky take on the old frog story! The witches night sounded harrowing for the poor guy .. sadist is what they were … wonder how Kermit would stand up to such an event!

    Like

    • taleweavering January 25, 2016 / 3:00 pm

      Thanks — glad you enjoyed my “fractured fairy tale.”
      I like to think Kermie is up for it. He was Miss Piggy’s boyfriend after all.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Bastet January 26, 2016 / 3:00 am

        True … and if anyone could face the witches it would be he, after that experience! :-D

        Like

  2. mj6969 January 23, 2016 / 3:02 pm

    Hilarious! Totally brilliant! XD

    Like

    • taleweavering January 25, 2016 / 3:01 pm

      So glad you enjoyed my “fractured fairytale.” This was such fun to write to.

      Like

  3. summerstommy2 January 22, 2016 / 4:18 am

    I did enjoy this take, and I loved your interpretation of the witch’s image of prince charmin….lol…..and yes hand over to Kermit as if he doesn’t have enough magic in his life with Miss Piggy….

    Liked by 1 person

    • taleweavering January 22, 2016 / 3:38 pm

      I hear in the recent reincarnation of the Muppet Show (I haven’t watched) Kermie and Miss Piggy have split up and Kermit is either pursuing or being pursued by a younger pig.
      This being the case, he might be up for a witches coven . . .

      Liked by 1 person

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