fury: a tale of bipolar 2

April 12, 2012 reblog of how anger is part of my hypomania; and how detrimental it can be. It’s destructive, not productive or righteous anger I experience.
And anger on Thursday probably has completely f’d things up again.

Phylor's Blog

With woods and grasslands, left parched and tinder-dry without rain, or a boiler growing hotter and hotter without a steam relief value – a small spark, one degree higher on the pressure gage, and suddenly there is a flashpoint – a blinding explosion of fire or steam.

My bipolar 2 rage is like that – some mundane thing; a small frustration; a misplaced item; a forgotten chore turns irritability and annoyance into a fire storm, an explosion of fury; pure irrational, unstoppable rage.

I’ve been working very hard on controlling the rage, though I still get irritated by the idiots in the world and ahead of me in the grocery line, still argue the same, well-worn things with my husband. Still cry from frustration – fueled more by underlying depression than by the aftermath of anger.

Meds and constant vigilance, despite the outside and inside tensions, kept my fury, my…

View original post 424 more words


2 thoughts on “fury: a tale of bipolar 2

  1. taleweavering May 9, 2016 / 11:19 pm

    Words cut like a knife and leave scars far deeper than the surface. This is so true — scars that effect how we are. Limping through life without a cane. And, few can hurt as deeply and as cruelly as members of our own family.
    You have recognized your anger, created a safe word (what a perfect one), and chosen to give your daughter the best of you.
    This recent relapse in my bipolar has shaken me back to collapsing time. I survived through writing; it’s harder this time around, but such is such.
    I hope you keep writing; you have important, impassioned, and heart-felt things to say.
    Thanks so much for dropping by.


  2. Lyndsey L. Lees May 8, 2016 / 3:06 am

    Though I’ve had a WP account for years, I just today took the first step in using it as a tool of contemplation and reflection… I love that I stumbled onto your post (actually don’t know how I did… Was just pushing buttons trying to see how to even discover other blogs then there you were… LOL), but wanted to say that I also struggle with anger that can turn to rage. Mine is not bipolar, but is a culmination of so very much out of my control. Began a couple of years ago after an accident left my father incomplete quadriplegic and I learned, while caring for him in the hospital, no less, that I had been disowned back when I was only 23 years old for choosing to live with my mother over him when relocating to California.

    I didn’t even know how to process that information. Or the fact that everyone ELSE in my family knew except me. As a mother of a 16 year old, I couldn’t imagine how you could abandon your child like that and wondered what would have become of me if both of my parents had died while I was still young.

    With one thing after the next piling up and taking priority, resolving things of the past take a back seat… And they are just SNOWBALLING like an avalanche of epic proportions right now. So I began writing. It was an outlet when growing up and I hope it will be once again.

    As for rage… My daughter and I set up a safe word so that she does not unintentionally push buttons which trigger an angry response and so that I do not unintentionally hurt her with my sharp tongue and firey mouth. It helps to keep emotions in check — because I adore her and would never want to hurt her as I’ve been hurt. Words cut like a knife and leave scars far deeper than the surface.

    Our safe word is: Bumblebee

    Lest anyone get stung.❤️

    Be blessed, Phylor… ~Lyndsey


I love dialogue. Do you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s