fury: a tale of bipolar 2

April 12, 2012 reblog of how anger is part of my hypomania; and how detrimental it can be. It’s destructive, not productive or righteous anger I experience.
And anger on Thursday probably has completely f’d things up again.

Phylor's Blog

With woods and grasslands, left parched and tinder-dry without rain, or a boiler growing hotter and hotter without a steam relief value – a small spark, one degree higher on the pressure gage, and suddenly there is a flashpoint – a blinding explosion of fire or steam.

My bipolar 2 rage is like that – some mundane thing; a small frustration; a misplaced item; a forgotten chore turns irritability and annoyance into a fire storm, an explosion of fury; pure irrational, unstoppable rage.

I’ve been working very hard on controlling the rage, though I still get irritated by the idiots in the world and ahead of me in the grocery line, still argue the same, well-worn things with my husband. Still cry from frustration – fueled more by underlying depression than by the aftermath of anger.

Meds and constant vigilance, despite the outside and inside tensions, kept my fury, my…

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2 thoughts on “fury: a tale of bipolar 2

  1. taleweavering May 9, 2016 / 11:19 pm

    Words cut like a knife and leave scars far deeper than the surface. This is so true — scars that effect how we are. Limping through life without a cane. And, few can hurt as deeply and as cruelly as members of our own family.
    You have recognized your anger, created a safe word (what a perfect one), and chosen to give your daughter the best of you.
    This recent relapse in my bipolar has shaken me back to collapsing time. I survived through writing; it’s harder this time around, but such is such.
    I hope you keep writing; you have important, impassioned, and heart-felt things to say.
    Thanks so much for dropping by.

    Like

  2. Lyndsey L. Lees May 8, 2016 / 3:06 am

    Though I’ve had a WP account for years, I just today took the first step in using it as a tool of contemplation and reflection… I love that I stumbled onto your post (actually don’t know how I did… Was just pushing buttons trying to see how to even discover other blogs then there you were… LOL), but wanted to say that I also struggle with anger that can turn to rage. Mine is not bipolar, but is a culmination of so very much out of my control. Began a couple of years ago after an accident left my father incomplete quadriplegic and I learned, while caring for him in the hospital, no less, that I had been disowned back when I was only 23 years old for choosing to live with my mother over him when relocating to California.

    I didn’t even know how to process that information. Or the fact that everyone ELSE in my family knew except me. As a mother of a 16 year old, I couldn’t imagine how you could abandon your child like that and wondered what would have become of me if both of my parents had died while I was still young.

    With one thing after the next piling up and taking priority, resolving things of the past take a back seat… And they are just SNOWBALLING like an avalanche of epic proportions right now. So I began writing. It was an outlet when growing up and I hope it will be once again.

    As for rage… My daughter and I set up a safe word so that she does not unintentionally push buttons which trigger an angry response and so that I do not unintentionally hurt her with my sharp tongue and firey mouth. It helps to keep emotions in check — because I adore her and would never want to hurt her as I’ve been hurt. Words cut like a knife and leave scars far deeper than the surface.

    Our safe word is: Bumblebee

    Lest anyone get stung.❤️

    Be blessed, Phylor… ~Lyndsey

    Like

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