(this post applies to July 2, 2016; found unpublished July 3, 2016)
I admit it; even more than most of these therapy sessions, I have no idea what to say.
Let’s see: I’m thankful I got through the laundry. My washer is a tiny portable machine that rolls up to the sink, and after changing fittings, hooks up to the faucet. (Which is why when we house sit for the landlady, ssshhh – but I do some of my wash in her washer. I mean looks more like somebody’s around right?). It took 4 hours to wash and then dry in the tiny little compact dryer. (6 washes). I’d love to have a “solar dryer”; nothing to run the line between. But I wasn’t down by a polluted river pounding clothes on a rock.
My eye floaters are getting better again. It’s disconcerting when you see a shadow in the left periphery of your left eye like something running by, or dark dots I swat because they zip by like flies. Or the planets in orbit. Or the shadow that moves across the screen behind me (or when I look out a night window mirror). Had it checked out month ago – eye surgeon said can take 6 months to clear up – especially as mine where large, but not a sign of eye disease. Had been getting better, then bad again. Or course, how tired I am, light levels, time of day, sinuses, headaches, facial pain = changes in regular floaters/new companions. Thing is my left eye does all the work – my right eye is so much worse. I often close it, and just use the left. Especially on the computer as I can’t wear my glasses and see the screen – bifocals don’t work – need computer glasses.
See what I mean, pure bs, I mean soc. Self-like. Not sure what to say. Got some very nice compliments lately which I think I accepted graciously (?) or at least 1/2 believed. Still one of the hardest things – to accept what others see as positive in me.
“Do not be a negative Nellie.” Channeling my evil grandmother. Yes, grandmothers, not just fairy take stepmothers, can be evil. She had the gene, the twisted backwards DNA strand that twists the mind, soul, and spirit on the paternal side of the family. I forgave my uncle his transgressions (tho not forgotten) as he is paying a high price for his greed, his cruelty, his lies. And, I needed to get rid of the anger and bitterness. Not worth eating myself up as a result of his behaviour and actions. Some day, I suppose I should think about forgiving my grandmother. For what she did to the family as much as what she did to me personally. More than just dna. The gene I fight. Not always successfully or the right way, but at least I fight it.
462 words. Never thought about making a word goal to this exercise in self-therapy. Make it flash fiction: 50; 55; 100; 150; 200 words? But as I’ve written a few times today: I view blogging as bulimia: binge and purge. Binging on words, purging my mind and soul.