morning/night therapy #15 & 16: to sleep perchance not to dream

Last night, I was too tired to write. Which I am thankful for as I slept for several hours straight without dreaming. Funny, for years, when I rarely reached REM stage, I missed dreaming – dreaming came with medication withdrawal – still remember one so clearly, or a fever. Now, psych drugs mean I have my dreams back – but all my dreams are borderline nightmares. Always were.

I also remember one beautiful dream – in my mid to late 30s. I was walking by a hill covered in wildflowers. As I passed by, all the flowers changed into butterflies. No, I wasn’t on anything – that time.

I made it to therapy – hot and humid so the weaker, tired me struggled but did it. Said something to cheer up my therapist. I do that when I think she is despairing of my as a client. And, who knows, part of it might be true.

Today, I finally took my giant bubble maker wand outside to make dancing bubble circles. Then I tried making a video and take pictures of said bubbles. Making was easier than capturing.

IMG_20160707_160717808                                                                                         IMG_20160707_160838588

My therapist pointed out that my surviving to date sound be considered as a self-like (she likes the term). Rootless childhood. Nothing to wrap the vines of growing up around. Not much nurture. Very little sun; lots of rain. Winds of loneliness, rot of bipolar 2 and insidious depression, hail of peer abuse, erosion of pain and loss. Guess that makes me a survivor. A Warrior Princess. One of many survivors; warrior princesses. All unique and all tied by the same ribbon.


14 thoughts on “morning/night therapy #15 & 16: to sleep perchance not to dream

  1. wildchild47 July 8, 2016 / 5:18 pm

    Oh hell – I forgot to mention – I LOVE the BUBBLES! :D :D :D


    • taleweavering July 9, 2016 / 7:43 am

      Hope you go get a bubble wand. As I said dancing, even the outdoor part, isn’t mandatory. The giggles are.

      Liked by 1 person

      • wildchild47 July 10, 2016 / 10:31 am

        I have one of these weird Walmart jobbers that someone just got for free and gave to me, but I haven’t quite felt like playing with it yet ;)


  2. wildchild47 July 8, 2016 / 5:17 pm

    Well let’s be honest, yes – if for some reason you really didn’t want to be here anymore, then wouldn’t you have long departed? You don’t have to answer this literally. But you already know the truth. Somewhere, despite it all – something lives and breathes within you – and its wanting to let you hear its voice of love – unconditional love. An sometimes, it just seems that this, in itself, is far too painful because we don’t “feel it with our hearts” or “know it with our minds” – but our spirit/soul *knows* the truth – and maybe that’s why we “hang tough” – and secretly wish and dream and keep trying.

    And yeah, it’s about thinking outside of the damn cage/prison/box – we survive – but we need to learn to embrace “thrive” – and how we go about “defining” this is entirely up to us; we need to get to rewrite our own language.

    Be well my friend :)


    • taleweavering July 9, 2016 / 7:34 am

      I like the idea of rewriting our own language. I invent words — by accident and by choice — so why new words that describe me, thriving, beyond surviving.
      Funny, I always thought, how unconditional I can be towards others (not always) and conditional towards myself. Not that unusual, I’m sure. While there are unique things about me, I am also human (I think ;) )

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sheri July 8, 2016 / 7:53 am

    We survivors need to learn how to embrace the term Thriver. I’ve never liked dreams, dreamless sleep sounds so peaceful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • taleweavering July 8, 2016 / 11:27 am

      Except when I spent years without dreams, I wasn’t hitting REM, which has had a detrimental affect from years of true sleep deprivation. The meds. dreams have been getting milder, if I remember them. Because I have anxious dreams, and I wake from those a wreck.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Shadeau July 8, 2016 / 7:06 am

    Someone on the blogs recently told me I’m the heroine of my life-story–it did me a world of good. Survivors, Warrior Princesses–and some of us can even make dancing bubble circles!!! I’m impressed–and I’ll just enjoy your photos :)

    Liked by 1 person

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