night/morning therapy #18 & 19 (July 9/10): damnest time

I’ve been trying to write #18 and #19 for days (or so it seems). Pain trumped (gotta stop using that word) most things. Breaking my resolve not to take NSAIDs for my stomach’s sake. Took ibuprofen – better for inflammation, worse for my stomach. (Tylenol is the absolute worst; I can tolerate aspirin!) Of course, my doses of NSAIDs are prescription-sized as I’ve been taking them since I was around 2. That’s a lot of years and bottles of NSAIDs. Guess I could do my self-like first: I have asked for opioids, yet, for this pain increase. Nor steroids which is what I had to take last time my face exploded – especially my upper left jaw. I am tired of the pain, but I try and suck it up. Not because you’re supposed to, but because resources are limited.

And, it’s a personal thing. I used to take large doses of morphine, reduced by taking Lyrica for my referred nerve pain, then off even for break-through pain. When I broke the tip of my right Great Trochanter (piece of bone at the top of the femur where the major muscles attach), I did ask for them. And the year before when I shifted my sacroiliac. I had a small stash of “left-overs” from days I didn’t take all I could, but that got used up for various break-through or other pain issues. So, I want to hang tough for a while at least. And, I’m usually given such a low dose, the oxy or the morphine still need NSAIDs. It’s all a betting game. Which is worse: back on opioids, if I can even get them – can’t see the doctor I used to due to insurance — and maybe steroids. If you want to see ‘roid rage, give steroids to a bipolar person. So, I walk around with lidocaine patches on my face.

As for thankful, well, I guess that I, so far, have the potential to ask for pain medication. I am the walking wounded. Still walking, so far. (Can’t yet tempt fate by not adding a qualifier). Looks like landlady is going to add some more flowers to the garden – unfortunately I guerrilla gardened while they were away and added some of my own. Ooopppsss, conflicting cosmos, battling brown eyed susans, heaving heather. Got laundry done, fingernails dirty, but no walks. Today, a walk and a shower, I hope. Time to go rest. After sleeping so much, I was awake for 42 hours straight. Oh, the joys of f’d circadian rhythms and rapid cycling bipolar 2.

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15 thoughts on “night/morning therapy #18 & 19 (July 9/10): damnest time

  1. wildchild47 July 11, 2016 / 1:03 pm

    I’m nodding my head here, in understanding, except for the rapid cycling – I’m not bipolar – but the pain, and the battle to work it to a manageable level, and all the drugs, of all classes and trying to find some consistency, without adding to the stomach problems etc. It’s a mad circle – as for sucking it up – well, that’s what we tend to do, for so many reasons, but it shouldn’t have to be this way. And so, yeah, I send you tons of gentle hugs – and I hope that you feel better – I wish for more than just a little bit – but if you can find some “sane” way of easing the physical pains, which might then take some of the pressure of the mental side, then something is better than nothing. And just for the record – even if you think it’s all beyond reasonable and feel completely mad and bonkers – well, in one sense you are – because all of this combined would BREAK most people – and yet – you go on – and find the way you can, however it is – and that speaks more than volumes. And so, conversely, you are not bonkers or crazy. You’re just trying to deal, manage and cope with so much that would literally have most people begging for mercy or death. So stay “strong” – which in my books, means cry, weep, rage, sob, be still, write nonsense and stuff, blow bubbles …. whatever it takes. Lots of hugs my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • taleweavering July 12, 2016 / 12:40 am

      I like your definition of strong. Thanks for the hugs, and here’s some back for you! (((((hugs))))). No bubbles today as Landlady and the Idiot are here. Adding a bunch of flowers — it’s rather sterile as much is devoted to grasses, and lawn ornaments. So, it’s nice that my view out the kitchen window will be improving. At least my opinion was asked. Getting status back? That would take pressure off too.
      Oh, I do scream — for mercy, to let the rage out of my head, in arguments, and if I rode a roller coaster which I will never do again.
      ((((hugs))) And, I appreciate all your feedback on these very personal posts. Thanks for sharing of yourself.

      Liked by 2 people

      • taleweavering July 12, 2016 / 12:43 am

        PS: I applied for access. I hope you don’t mind. Don’t feel you have to “let me into your world” and what you blog. Just to let you know no offense if you deny access — I do understand the line between public and private; those you know and trust; those you feel comfortable with. Hope you are still writing. Your words are powerful.

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      • wildchild47 July 12, 2016 / 4:59 pm

        well we support and rally so that we know that we are not alone :)

        glad to hear that your view will get better – and that you were asked too – that’s always a pleasant surprise – so here’s hoping that the garden changes / additions bring additional interest and joy to you :)

        and thanks for the hugs – totally appreciated (hard day today – had to mow which just kills me – not flat here being cottage country and this house sits on a slight slope which is great for drainage but hell for me!)

        Well kudos to you for your courage and honesty my friend – and so yeah, more hugs to you ((((hugs)))

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        • taleweavering July 12, 2016 / 7:03 pm

          Thanks. You’re pretty damn brave, yourself.! What do you use to mow — one of those ride-on machines. Always wanted to drive one of those and a tractor.
          Just out tidying up from the big planting. Not as neat as I’d do it, and I have to repair a few spots, but overall a B+ job. Not that I’d necessarily have done a A+ job — not great with a spade.

          Liked by 1 person

          • wildchild47 July 12, 2016 / 8:13 pm

            No – it’s all by hand – a commercial Lawnboy mower that won’t die ;) All the bigger equipment has long been gone – those days of working landscaping finished.

            I wish I was able to work a spade like I used to – I still can’t reconcile myself to not being able to garden for a living anymore :(

            As for your efforts? I’m sure it is more than great – and besides, once the plants starting rooting and grow, then what else matters? ;)

            Hope you have a restful evening and a good night’s sleep :)

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            • taleweavering July 13, 2016 / 9:20 pm

              Turns out, the landscaping crew did the work. I had to rescue buried “flutterbug flower” — perennial with tiny flowers that attracts tiny bugs that flutter” and put the mulch back. So no spading!
              Wow — hand mowing! Super tough.

              Liked by 1 person

              • wildchild47 July 15, 2016 / 7:07 pm

                Well I’m glad you didn’t have to slog it out – and hope the rescue works out well – nothing like accidental burials!

                Oh I don’t know how many thousands of miles I’ve cut in my life working in gardening and landscaping, but honestly, it totally sucks! LOL ;)

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                • taleweavering July 15, 2016 / 10:56 pm

                  I can image you’ve mowed your way around the equator at least once! I’m not the best mower in the world, and fresh cut grass gets my allergies going. :)

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • wildchild47 July 16, 2016 / 1:08 pm

                    LOL …. yeah, or to the moon and back ;)

                    I can’t stand the smell of freshly cut grass – makes me sneeze, although technically I’m not allergic to it.

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    • taleweavering July 11, 2016 / 11:51 pm

      Thanks — I don’t know when honest spills into TMI, lol.

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      • armywife78 March 6, 2017 / 10:16 pm

        No…never tmi…being honest is always the best way to help another❤

        Like

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