night/morning therapy #21: breaking day

Some days I break – thousand pieces of pain and sadness – like today. I know why – the triggers that shattered me into sharp splinters and tears. But it gave a chance for my demons to build a bonfire for a celebratory dance circle with emotions like regret, remorse, negative self-talk. Out on the lawn, sparks flying like fireflies – each a little piece of me. I’ve been rapid cycling with my bipolar, which usually ends in a crash. I crashed.

Back to desolate depression. Runs deep, deep-rooted, not easily weeded nor thinned. Like a garden of thorns, drawing blood and tears.

So not much in the way of self-like and gratitude. Just have nothing to say for tonight. But I posted, and there are some pictures. Landscape might be bleak for ever, or a week – who knows.

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Finally have my gargoyle; always wanted one.

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My first finished Art Nouveau page – all done in crayon; 24 colours, $1.00. Missing some nice colours, so might go up to 48; I imagine 120 is expensive.

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The book and the page; the pages are made to be taken out to colour. The first few pages of the book are colour versions of each page to give you some ideas.

 

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15 thoughts on “night/morning therapy #21: breaking day

  1. Mike July 14, 2016 / 2:16 am

    Crayons and fluffy pillows sound good, sadly bipolar colours many life’s. I have found that writing helps me handle my depressive periods. Whilst drawing and crayoning along with fluffy pillows helped me handle lymphoma. However I do not have great drawing skills sadly.

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    • taleweavering July 14, 2016 / 12:36 pm

      I used to write about health issues, with some creative writing on the side, but the two blurred after a breakdown, and now my health informs my stories. Writing is good for depression. It was my only therapy for several years after I melted, and saved me, I think.
      Sorry to hear about your illness.
      My mother was the family artist.

      Like

  2. wildchild47 July 13, 2016 / 6:15 pm

    Love the new gargoyle friend – he’s rather cute :D

    And keep colouring – it does wonder for the spirit and mind – sets in some peace :)

    And hang in there – this too shall pass. Hugs

    Like

    • taleweavering July 13, 2016 / 6:21 pm

      Bought a box of 64 colours of crayons on sale (has a Crayola sharpener) so that must be a good sign?

      Liked by 1 person

      • wildchild47 July 15, 2016 / 6:58 pm

        yay! definitely would consider that a bonus! and with the sharpener! whoo hoo! Happy colouring :D

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        • taleweavering July 15, 2016 / 10:59 pm

          Started 2 new pages. Funny but the colours don’t line up in the box like I remember — shades of green, shades of blue together going from pale to dark. I might actually reorganize the crayons. Ack as Bill the Cat would say — I’m getting organized.

          Liked by 1 person

          • wildchild47 July 16, 2016 / 1:10 pm

            LOL! omg – I am such a fan of Bill the Cat! Ack Ack Ack! Bloom County Rules!

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            • taleweavering July 16, 2016 / 2:37 pm

              Yeah! Someone who knows Bloom County. Bill the Cat ran for president, if I remember correctly.

              Liked by 1 person

              • wildchild47 July 16, 2016 / 5:58 pm

                Yup – he did! What a great strip! Sighing in contentment of fond memories. :D

                Like

                • taleweavering July 16, 2016 / 6:42 pm

                  I used to have a Bloom County book, but gave it to a friend who needed something to really cheer them up. Nice to meet someone else who knows Bill and Opus.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • wildchild47 July 16, 2016 / 6:48 pm

                    Bill Opus the whole gang! I had several of the books – and in one of my fits of something or other …. no kidding, I go on this incredible purges (good thing I don’t give in to the deep desire for fire) I stalked them up and loaded them off – and either tossed them into the main recycling bin at the depot or left them in a bag with a bunch of other ones. I think I did the latter. Funny thing – for all the wonderful memories that I loved about them – not only these gems, but other personal effects, when I try to revisit them, I can’t capture the same feeling, and I end upset, so much so that it’s a huge trigger – so out it goes. I swear, if this keeps up – and it’s been going on for months and months – actually over 2 years – there ain’t gonna be anything left!

                    Sorry, I’m all over the place tonight.
                    :(

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                    • taleweavering July 16, 2016 / 7:02 pm

                      No need to apologize. Like I stick to logical paths as I roll along!
                      I purge too — last time I think I accidently included a box I really meant to keep. Oooppss. But it went to a good cause so at least it was well used. Stuff I’d collected for crafts and making cards again, and hadn’t used. Probably already mentioned, gave to an art therapy teacher who worked at a Women’s Shelter. She gave art therapy classes for the kids and the women. When I lost my job and was an illegal immigrant for a year, we downsized and I gave furniture etc to the same place as they set up women in safe apartments.
                      Purging during a manic episode is dangerous — happened when trying to clean out my mother’s house to sell it before my break-down. The shedder motor almost burned out, lol.
                      There, I’ve wandered too.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • wildchild47 July 16, 2016 / 11:26 pm

                      well, I guess if we wander in good company, it helps :)

                      Like

  3. Sheri July 13, 2016 / 8:05 am

    Oh, I dislike rapid cycling. Actually, I can’t think of much about bipolar disorder I do like! I hope you get through this quickly, and wish I could pad your landing with lovely fluffy pillows.

    Like

    • taleweavering July 13, 2016 / 9:01 pm

      Thanks, Sheri. Fluffy pillows would be nice!
      At least I know the last 5 years this is bipolar 2, not just crazy like all the years before the diagnosis when I was depressed and nuts with bad character traits and no self-control. (In my mind)

      Liked by 1 person

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