My mother had some unusual and, then, some very cliché expressions – like you can’t win for losing. Yesterday (July 13) was one of those days. I can be proud of what I didn’t buy and what I didn’t consume, and pissed at what I DID buy and what I DID consume. The old “good news: neurologist: We need to do something about the increased facial pain while we wait for the MRIs” “bad news: How badly do steroids mix with your mental health?” Ask bipolar 1 & 2 people what ‘roid rage is! You’ll no doubt hear about it; especially since two years ago, it took 2 courses of the stuff to get the pain down some. Now, if I just couldn’t lose for winning . . . .
Grateful haven’t started the ‘roids, and that I exercised some self-control. That I made to the neurologist, that maybe I can get the pain more bearable (but after I go through hell).
I guess, self-like is the idea that I do keep trying. I passed 50%, failed 50%. I did give in later with the “while I’ve already . . .” Got to beat that. Bad enough Action 1, but using it to justify Action 2 isn’t – always involves something I shouldn’t. With no gain or particularly lasting pleasure. Yet another recognized as self-control and bipolar related. I don’t use bipolar as an excuse for all of my flaws. Nor do I absolve my past. But I understand me better for looking at the world through the different lens I should, I must.
waiting for the train after my neurologist visit (July 13)