JD’s Microfiction #5, The Door: mynedfa

810px-Henri_DUHEM_-_La_porte_HST

For a revised version, see: Microfiction Challenge 5, the door: passage to Seann Choille

Where am I from, you ask. I took a long drink from my mug of dark ale and began:

Look up in the twilightish sky for a single star, aonar rionnag, shining bright enough for a billion. Then down for a faint rectangular glow; a propped up fence gate without a fence. Paint worn, hinges rusted, it is mynedfa, doorway, to coedwig hynafol – the ancient forest where the Old Ways and Elder Age still exists. The eastern winds, wet with moss, pine and sodden earth, carry hudol chants. Inviting the unwary to step through and wander as one lost in soul and in body. Charms must be carried, incantations uttered, tattooed maps followed.

For the forest protected a fragment, the only remnant of a culture once stretching as far as the imagination. Though don’t let Elder Age fool you. Citizens of coedwig hynafol know of smartphones, Go Pokémon, IMAX, WordPress, and the 21st century. They choose to stay with the old magic rather than live with the new technological sort. Old magic has a power and a presence no app could ever contain.

I am a siâp sifft, someone who lives in both worlds. A teithwyr who roams collecting stories, love poems, and lore. I also dabble in precious stones, empowering salves and intimacy draughts, and cards – five card stud or dol èisg.

And you?

SG: Scots Gaelic; W: Welsh

aonar rionnag: SG: lone star

mynedfa: W = door

coedwig hynafol: W = ancient forest

hudol: W = magical

siâp sifft: W = shape shift[er]

teithwyr: W = traveller

dol èisg: SG = go fish

Painting: La Porte by Henri Duhem

Tavern Talk for Jane Dougherty’s Microfiction #5: The Door. Although I can imagine this as a stop of Dr. Teagarten’s continuum, I wasn’t ready for the Mad Scientist/Psychoanalyst/Dentist.*

*See Jane Dougherty’s Microfiction #4: The Kiss; Dr. Teagarten’s Exit

I’m not sure about this one – I may yet attempt to tie the painting to earlier stories – the 2 travellers from Burning Angel and Shapes in the Mist or shudder Dr. Teagarten. Does this work as a story? Critiquing welcomed.

 

 

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12 thoughts on “JD’s Microfiction #5, The Door: mynedfa

  1. wildchild47 July 16, 2016 / 6:40 pm

    LOL@ the excuse to use the Google translator. :D

    Okay, so I have to ask? you want critique as if this is a finished, polished piece of work? then I might have to reread it several times – and I suspect that some of what Jane wrote in her comment would be helpful – but as a let myself create and just go with this piece? I rather am quite partial to it – just as it is. I mean this is imagination wandering and collecting and piecing together a story about a traveler, a person who crosses and re-crosses, shape shifts etc. between both worlds – so the past mixing with present tenses? doesn’t bother me. Neither does the multiple languages. Now as for whether you decide to work this more, or not, or just leave it for some other time? It’s up to you – but I think it all depends on your intentions from the start. And if you’re not sure of that? That’s okay too. :)

    Like

    • taleweavering July 16, 2016 / 7:05 pm

      There will be 2 versions: the original and my revision. I do have 2 characters stuck in a bracknell rookery, and no end in sight. The revision might move them forward.
      Thank you for liking the story as is. It wasn’t quite what I wanted, which is why I was glad Jane made suggestions. I used to teach, and tense shifts was one of the things I talked about with students, so . . . :)

      Liked by 1 person

      • wildchild47 July 16, 2016 / 11:27 pm

        I have every confidence that with time, you’ll be able to work it out as it’s meant to be, and you will be pleased :)

        Like

  2. Jane Dougherty July 16, 2016 / 8:40 am

    To me, this reads more like the introduction to a story than the story itself. Why don’t you try ending it on the first line of the real story so you can follow up in another episode? This place could easily be where the travellers in the last story ended up. As for mixing Welsh and Scots Gaelic, I’d stick to one or the other as the two languages separated a long time ago and aren’t mutually comprehensible. Just a minor point, you should be consistent in your tenses. They tend to wander between past and present.

    Like

    • taleweavering July 16, 2016 / 12:34 pm

      Thanks, Jane — this is just the sort of critique I was hoping for. I will work on your suggestions and repost. Those are excellent points. I can’t seem to not create something longer with your pictures — they are so rich with possibilities — Thanks so much. I’ll take it down til I get it fixed.

      Like

      • Jane Dougherty July 16, 2016 / 5:04 pm

        Don’t take me as an oracle—I’m not the fridge :) i wouldn’t want you to change anything unless you think the observations make sense.

        Like

        • taleweavering July 16, 2016 / 6:41 pm

          They do actually. By cutting some of the original, and going a bit long, I was able to introduce the 2 travelers back in as a story being told.
          I changed all the language to Scots Gaelic and explained why — I used to use Welsh.
          I’m going to post the revised story with a link to the original and see what happens.
          Oh, I don’t think of you as an oracle, just a damn good writer who knows her stuff. I knew the story didn’t fee right and when I tried to use the 2 travelers, in 300 words I only got them to the gate!
          Almost finished, interested to see what you think when you get a chance. It’s quite amazing how many people have stories that go from painting to painting.

          Like

          • Jane Dougherty July 17, 2016 / 1:49 am

            Since I chose random paintings that just looked ‘interesting’ without any obvious connection, if we get a story thread running through all of them it will show how imaginative we are :) Looking forward to seeing the new version!

            Like

  3. Michael July 16, 2016 / 1:55 am

    I like how you used the door as a way in into the use of language and story…cleverly done.

    Like

    • taleweavering July 16, 2016 / 2:19 am

      Thanks, Michael. I just wasn’t sure about it.
      I did try working in my 2 travelers, but the Door only got them so far so I started over with my trusty google translator. Any excuse to use that.

      Liked by 1 person

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