night/day therapy #26: midnight meditations

“Rafters!” I had spent five minutes trying to think of the word. It’s happening more often now – loosing words. So far, I’ve found them, or a way to describe them. I watched my mother lose words. At first she searched for them, but later, the struggle was too much. She skipped them or used a substitute.

More and more the ghost of my mother replaces me – in mirrors, windows, my computer screen glow in the night kitchen, selfies. Sometimes, her mother-in-law stands beside her. My evil grandmother who is a part of me too. Their dead, hollow eyes pierce me. I bleed their blood. They never cry my tears.

Playing with my editing program – tonight it wrote on the pictures; often it’s in nano print! Just a trial. Hope to hone what I write, how I write, where I write. Lots to learn before nano print returns!

howl

 

story

Another experiment with lots of bells and whistles. And a missing period or an odd capitalization.

Maybe best to write the prompts, not respond to them. That’s what I wrote this afternoon. I’m still fragile, and venturing out to read the words of others makes me feel like a cheap knock-off. Embarrassed at what I post.

I’m not looking for praise. Just to write viscerally, lushly, lyrically, humourously. Make words sing, paragraphs dance. To cause the reader to feel the prose, To write with passion and longing. To find the words when I need them – like sea wall, elevator, silverware, blue jay. And, oh yes, rafter.

@ tale weavering phylor, 2016

 

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10 thoughts on “night/day therapy #26: midnight meditations

  1. Shadeau July 18, 2016 / 8:12 pm

    Fascinating work…do you have a Mac, and is this program easily accessible/affordable?

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    • taleweavering July 19, 2016 / 12:18 pm

      I was gifted photoshop elements which isn’t cheap. I use a PC.
      There are free, or relatively cheap apps/programs. I’ve mentioned my text program before and been told several alternatives — I’ll see what those were. Are you a mac or pc?

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      • Shadeau July 19, 2016 / 6:19 pm

        I’m PC–and I’d heard photoshop was expensive, out of my range, anyway :)

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        • taleweavering July 19, 2016 / 10:45 pm

          There is a program called pxlr or pixlr that is free (or cheap) that I am told does a good job. I’ll find out more. It’s been a stressful day with nothing accomplished. Just need to find where I have the info.

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          • Shadeau July 20, 2016 / 12:51 am

            Thanks much, Phylor–and no hurry/worries…I’m so exhausted that I won’t be starting anything new for a bit :) We had drama and strife here in the courtyard, so I’m toast, fried, done for… Catch you later ;)

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            • taleweavering July 20, 2016 / 1:55 am

              Hope you recover soon! And things have quieted down, and been resolved.
              Take good care.

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              • Shadeau July 20, 2016 / 2:37 am

                Thanks, I just need a good night’s sleep. I do not see “resolution” in store for this place, unfortunately…

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                  • Shadeau July 21, 2016 / 5:53 pm

                    The temps are rising so it makes “good” sleep difficult–I’m so looking forward to summer’s end :)

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  2. wildchild47 July 18, 2016 / 7:09 pm

    You, whether you feel it, or believe it, or know it or not – have a voice that is uniquely yours. Not only a writing voice, that can be sensitive and compassionate, or silly and playful, or mysterious and mystical – you DO paint and create scenes, stories and sketches …… but you have to understand one thing – if you set down to always create “perfection” and you continue to compare how you respond and think on something, like a prompt – you will choke yourself into submission. Trust me. I KNOW.

    So allow yourself to just create – it doesn’t have to be perfect and polished, it can be a snippet, a slice, or a full blown novel. The fact is, you DO reach and engage and touch others.

    And remember, that voice – it is NOT just in relation to your written works; you are more than the sum of your parts – and there is a spirit, seed that is entirely magickal – and wholly yours – nurture that – and let the others parts that aren’t you, that haunt, taut and mock – let them go. You are stardust and moonbeams and silver unicorns and sunflowers.

    Hugs my friend (((((((Phylor)))))))

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