night/morning therapies #29 & 30: deprogramming from the cult of negativity

I’m always grabbing badges like this, putting them on my blog, or intending to. Do I believe them? In honesty, no, not for me. Others, yes. They find peace or love. They overcome their traumas and become examples for others. They discover they are artists, or writers or photographers. They go out their front door. They leave bad marriages/relationships and find someone who loves them. This is all wonderful. I am happy for those people. And jealous. And judge my failure to act against their ability to do so. My cowardice against their bravery.

I messaged a friend the other day that I had been rescued from a cult of negativity, and was still being deprogrammed. This may take some time; I’m probably one of the toughest cases the deprogrammers have come up against. Dreaming and hoping gets me gut-kicked. Negativity is my shelter, my safety zone.

Do wish I could dream of butterflies, but the consequences of such “flights of hope and fancy” are usually a “crash and burn,” not soar, float and fly freely. But I still take the images. People keep telling me somewhere inside is hope; maybe that’s why I collect these. A hope I dare not acknowledge for fear of what might happen if I did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

William Blake wrote:

Every Night and every Morn

Some to Misery are Born.

Every Morn and every Night

Some are Born to sweet delight.

Some are Born to sweet delight,

Some are Born to Endless Night

“Wednesday’s child is full of woe” as the old rhyme goes, and I’m a Wednesday’s child.

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7 thoughts on “night/morning therapies #29 & 30: deprogramming from the cult of negativity

  1. Dizzy Chick July 23, 2016 / 9:57 am

    It has taken me a long time to realize that too much hope often leads to disappointment. I’m not saying there isn’t hope, but it is often said to placate someone. I do try to instill hope in you, but not false hope. No flights of fancy. No thinking you will miraculously change and become the butterfly. It takes a lot of work to overcome your programming.
    I was hit down and down many times. For some reason I never gave up the fight. I would think there was no way out of a while then I’ll pull myself up and think, who cares if there is no way out, I’m going to make this life the best I can. I will live my life in spite of what I’ve been through.
    I’m rambling again.
    I’m glad you have been rescued, I hope the reprogramming continues and will one day work.
    I think the world of you.
    You are a good friend, often thinking of me before you think of yourself. Give yourself a break.
    We have to do that. Both of us right now.
    much love to you my friend.

    Like

    • taleweavering July 23, 2016 / 12:07 pm

      I do keep being told I must have hope hidden somewhere because I’ve kept going in hopeless situations, or when hopes and dreams are dashed and smashed.
      I don’t even know what a reasonable hope is — mine are small, yet still, go unfulfilled.
      You have this same spark of hope, but you are more aware of it — and able to work with it.
      I don’t think you’ve ever given me (or you, really) false hope. Maybe we sometimes place too much of our energy on that hope but that doesn’t mean it was wrong to do so.
      Yes give yourself a break — you deserve it. And, of course, you know what I hope for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sheri July 23, 2016 / 7:49 am

    I learned to think this way after a lifetime of disappointments. I’m one of the most pessimistic people you could meet. I wish I could be hopeful, but the past tells me different.

    Like

    • taleweavering July 23, 2016 / 12:03 pm

      It’s not easy to hope when you know that it is probably hopeless. I try not to be the jaded cynic, but it’s very hard.
      Funny, I can be hopeful for other people and not dash their dreams all the time.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sheri July 24, 2016 / 1:42 pm

        Yes, I’m very good at do as I say not as I do.

        Like

        • taleweavering July 25, 2016 / 11:58 am

          Like me! Do as I say, not do as I do was one of my mother’s favourite sayings. I was often pointing out the irony of her instructions/demands.

          Liked by 1 person

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