Too much to reflect almost. I didn’t realize until now just how far behind I was with this. Despite the amount posted, energy levels have been low. So, no editing, very little visiting, and letting the harder things slide. This is hard for me – I’m being about as honest as I get in these therapy sessions, and that scares me. In the past, knowing personal, psyche sorts of things about me have been used against me or caused unnecessary and unwarranted rifts. Do people really want the truth? I know we’ve discussed that here already. So, I’ll just say, for the most part NO, unless it’s juicy, it’s ammo, or they are truly your friend.
It’s been a week of getting hopes up then dashed. And folks wonder why I don’t like hoping! I can probably appeal – I’ve done it before with mixed results. Still waiting for acknowledgement of problems from last year. Will have to report that health insurance company to the over-seeing government department.
It’s just each time I think, this is it, making headway, getting better, I get gut-kicked again. I need balance, endurance, and strength training so I don’t fall and break my fragile bones. Had a program all set up, my needs analyzed based on insurance and allowing a certain number of sessions of PT. Well, I got things in place on Monday and was turned down on Wednesday. Two tests I need done have been denied – only thing is he has added one to the list of MRIs I didn’t get get done due other issues. So today I go and get the useless one done – my brain. Never shows anything except loss of brain cells in the exact region of the brain where my mother had her stroke—strange isn’t it. I need the MRI of face and neck, never done before. Pain is to the point, I’ll get my impinged nerves cut, and the original pain, hopefully will dissipate. There are serious side effects, but without opioid pain killers, I’ll rip my jaw and cheek bone out. Self-surgery isn’t the best answer.
Sorry, but pain and disappointment colour my world now. I can see being told I have to switch off certain meds, do step therapy and all the crap I’ve dealt with since the first facial pain in 1998 that never went away. So no more hope that I’ll get the MRIs I really need that might reveal something about my face. No hope that an appeal will get me the PT I desperately need. Insurance company would prefer to deal with a shattered me, that a whole one. It’s all f’d up out there.