I wrote quite a few confessions since I actually published one. Some for public consumption, some more specific, and some for only me.
I had another rocking on the floor crying crisis; and finally shook up the medicating brigade. But I’m not sure that was the best idea. Now, I feel over medicated, and the waywardness of the medication makes it feel like a magic carpet ride:
I’m not trippin’ or feeling stoned – I know what that feels like – it’s a weird, one minute okay, next minute hyper, next minute, exhausted. Hard to explain. The Mania eating and buying continues – this stuff is for mania so lets hope it kicks in before I gain any more. My self-image can’t take being over weight. And my budget can’t afford any more trips to the maternity section of the local discount store.
I’m taking 250 mg Depakote in the morning with 1 mg of Ativan (and my usual drugs), and the night time regime: 20 mg lexapro, 10 mg abilify, 10 mg Ativan, 500 Depakote. A lot of shit if you ask me. Kinetic energy kicking in – feeling jitter-buggy. This might last an hour. and So it goes.
My confession, besides neglecting to publish confessions — is I’d love to just trip along for a day or two. Like the old days. Take a real magic carpet ride. Sigh.