something’s missing here

The DHL Balloon manufactured by Aerophile is t...
The DHL Balloon manufactured by Aerophile is the world’s largest tethered helium balloon with 30 passengers on board (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

With full bravado and expectations (on my part), I added pages to my blog with the intent on focusing in to three subjects (besides my asides, participation in challenges, etc.

Well, here it is almost April (in about 45 minutes), and I’ve yet to fulfill those expectations, let alone blog with inspiration, confidence, and curiosity on diets — the blog on the antihistamine diet often gets the most hits — depression (still a dragon/demon needed to be contained) — and dementia as I seem, on many days, to be descending into it.

New game plan? Don’t know. Feel, as often do, ungrounded — my head swollen big like sinus pressure aid of a few years ago, or a helium balloon about to burst. (And that’s only talking about a swollen head, lol) Depression continues to hang around — where else would it go after all these years? To a bar at the end of the universe, lol. Dementia, I forget to write about it or note the lapses — I’m lapsing on the lapses. Maybe it’s just like hubby says, I see dementia in the my dyslexic world due to my mother, not as a part of reality — does that make any sense?

Point is that I’m at that point again. Put myself down for the HAWMC 2013. It’s my version of the New York marathon — I need the training 30 days of insistent blogging should give. Bring it on, one topic at a time please, and hope I remember make a post-it note about making a post-it-note about making . . .

PS: And sending a wish for Easter and Passover of peace, calm, family, friends, rebirth, reinvention, relief.


my veggie compartment is full: a compartment(aliz)ed life

As a child, after the veggies on my plate and I had spent several minutes starting at each other, I would announce that the veggie compartment in my stomach was full, but the compartment for ice cream was completely empty.

So, I’ve been compartmentalizing my life for a long time. There was always the hope that if I shoved something off into a compartment, I was removing some of the power it had over me. To make a complex, interconnected, painful life seem simpler; that I still had some measure of control; to muffle the voices of regret, remorse and recrimination; to stop the mobius loop replaying in IMAX 3-d all the “coulda, shoulda, wantedtodoa, neverdoa, doovera” thoughts that are more attached to me than my shadow.


Tissue Paper Flower Topiary
Tissue Paper Flower Topiary (Photo credit: Wendy Piersall)

But, life is never that easy or simple for me; I can’t make neat, tiny boxes wrapped in glitzy paper and tied with a fancy French bow. The issues are too big to nestle into the tissue-paper that lines each box. Nor, can I navigate the labyrinths, the “corn field” mazes, the shifting patterns of my life without touching more than one box/compartment creating an arc between them.

But, since everything, even the most simplest of tasks, seems overwhelming and daunting, I’m following a suggestion to put the issues of diet, depression/bipolar 2, and dementia as pages on my blog. This might give me the focus I crave/need; keeps me at least partly “on task;” and might electrify the inertia that keeps me from moving forward, back or sideways.

Just a thought – I wonder which compartment that fits into?